Holding His Hand

I enjoy taking a walk with my father. Started this after he suffered from stroke on June 2003. The incident (his illness) which is deeply burned in my mind.

After decided to take care my father, immediate I quitted my job. Have stayed 1 month in hospital and 15 months at home with him. The 1 month in hospital was a nightmare. I knew anytime I was going to lose him. The only thing I could do was kept praying and telling him how much I love and need him. I couldn’t lose him. That time, I understood what helpless and hopeless meant.

My father’s condition was critical. After discharge from hospital, he was unable to walk, recognized people and not even able to follow instruction like crewing or swallowing (I tried to put a mirror in front of him and helped him to practice).

Did try everything to help him walked and bring back his memory. After 4 months, he made it and able to walk slowly. 1st time when I saw he walked a few steps by himself without helped, I was so happy and I knew that it was hope.

After that, did bring him for morning and evening walk. Started with 1-2 minutes walked till he managed to walk for 10-20 minutes. It took 2-3 months to practice and train.

I like to hold his hand when walk. Reason is not only in case he falls down. By holding his hand, I am sure he feels safe when walk and also can feel the support and courage from me. The support and courage between a father and a son.

When I was a kid, I believe I did feel the same when my father hold my hand and walk. On that time, he made me felt safe and supported. When he is old and weak, it is my turn to hold his hand and walk. It is my responsible to make he feel safe and supported now.

Since I almost lost him, I do treat everyday as a bonus to have him to be around. The bonus also included every night when I call home at 9:30pm, I can hear he says hello; when I go home, I am able to hold his hand and feel the warm from his hand; when he goes to sleep and I can give him a kiss good night.

I would like to thanks, thanks whoever/whatever (Buddha/God/Heaven) gives me those bonus.