For You

This is for a special friend of mine, my Shi Mei (师妹) – Guek Ling. Promised to write something about her but has been postponed for weeks. So, must do it now

Shi Mei and I are colleagues. She is in Financial and I am in Information Systems. Why we call each other Shi Xiong (师兄/Senior) and Shi Mei (师妹/Jonior)? It was because our Hong Kong colleagues wrongly pronounced my Chinese name as “Shi Xiong “. From that day onward, she calls me: Shi Xiong and I call her: Shi Mei.
Everytime when we meet and chat, our conversation is without any main point. We just keep talking and talking and then laughing and laughing. We like to criticise each others and brag ourselves for everything like physical outlook, age, dressing, IQ, work, school result…etc. Of course, those are just for fun and we never taken it seriously.

After our “meaningless conversation”, we realized that actually we are same kind of people. We look optimistic but it is only the part we want to show people. Actually we have hidden a trust self in deep of our hearts. No one is allowing to see and no one is going to understand. We like to endure the pain alone (就算痛苦　就算是泪　也是属於我的伤悲).

We are being sensitive and sentimental sometime. We easiest drive ourselves in to a dead corner because of thinking too much. It makes ourselves so depress sometime. After that, we have to make a lot of effort to pull ourselves back to the correct direction and move on. We know it is dangerous because if one day we are not able to pull ourselves back, then we are going to sink and sink till we destroy ourselves.

How sentimental can we be? From one of our conversions and maybe you are able to guess a bit:

Alfie: What can fill up a hole in a heart beside tears?

Guek Ling: A broken heart will be auto heal up when the one you love approach you and it gets broken again when the one you love hurts you another time. And the broken heart heal up and broken, broken and heal up. At the end, you can’t find that you still have a heart to love anyone else.

Being sentimental does perplexed the people who know us. It is because we might be happy at this moment but feel sad/depress at another moment. The change can be very fast. It makes people think we are weird and difficult to understand.

Shi Mei, actually you are a fortunate one because you already found The One who is willing to understand and share your happiness and sadness with you. So, when you are not happy, go home. There are shoulders for you to lay on and cry.

P.s Same as you, I am very glad to know you, a person who is very much like me. Give you a song as a gift for knowing each other for the 1st 6 months. I am sure you are like me, for something or for someone, we are 执迷不悔.

这一次我执著面对　任性地沉醉
我并不在乎 这是错还是对
就算是深陷　我不顾一切
就算是执迷　我也执迷不悔
别说我应该放弃　应该睁开眼
我用我的心　去看去感觉
你并不是我 又怎能了解
就算是执迷　就让我执迷不悔
我不是你们想的如此完美　我承认有时也会辨不清真伪
并非我不愿意走出迷堆　只是这一次　这次是自己而不是谁
要我用谁的心去体会　真真切切地感受周围
就算痛苦　就算是泪　也是属於我的伤悲
我还能用谁的心去体会　真真切切地感受周围
就算疲倦　就算是累　也只能执迷而不悔